For more recent hairy legged sightings check out the Hairy Beast and Insect Grapevine previous postings. Here's hoping this will be the last entry on that subject.
Sunday, 31 January 2010
TOLD YOU THEY WERE OUT TO GET ME
Saturday, 30 January 2010
MOVE OVER TERMINATOR, I'VE MET THE XELERATOR
I must admit, public toilets are not usually a subject of great interest, unless you’re busting of course and desperate to find one, but there is a certain amount of information you gradually build up over time about your own town’s public facilities. Such as where they are firstly depending on what part of town you’re in, which ones to avoid and which ones are acceptable, which ones never have any toilet paper, which ones are shut after hours, which ones you would only hover over and never sit on etc etc.
Well, there I was at one of my usual loos in Launceston, unisex ones, when a guy came out leaving it the only one unoccupied and there was absolutely no way I could even get near the door let alone lock myself in there for several minutes without expiring. What on earth he’d been doing in there I don’t know, well….I do know, it was all too obvious, but the extent to which he’d been doing it was unbelievable.
Quick exit to head to the next known toilet destination when I spotted a sign directing me to some new facilities I’d never seen before, and for the last couple of weeks since their discovery they have become my preferred calling point when caught short in town. Out the back of Bakers Dozen on Brisbane St and just left of the Yolanda Jean CafĂ© in a very neat paved courtyard sporting framed artworks would you believe on the brick walls of the adjoining building, there’s about six in a row, all clean, brightly lit, stocked with oodles of paper, but the piece de resistance in each one is the hand dryer.
No nice gentle stream of warm air under which you have to rub and rub and rub and rub your hands waiting for it to actually dry them. Installed in these loos is the ultimate drying machine, THE XELERATOR. Picture in your mind those documentaries of astronauts in training on the G-Force whirligig thing. As the speed picks up suddenly the skin on their faces seems to turn to jelly, like the flesh has become separated from the bone and is smearing itself all over their faces in a fear stricken grimace.
That’s what the Xelerator does to the skin on your hands. It’s like it turns to liquid and is pushed this way and that by the sheer force of the thing, accompanied by a roar to wake the dead. Unfortunately it’s so effective your hands are dry in next to no time, but it’s worth the visit just for the experience.
Thursday, 28 January 2010
THE PYROTECHNIC FINGER
Persisted with my own attempts, still no success, so off to the Doc. Now, my Doc’s a good bloke, but when it comes to things like this he doesn’t do anything by halves. Sliced and diced the jolly thing, too bad about the pain, even he couldn’t find anything. It was there, I know it was there.
Meanwhile, even with no obvious infection which splinters have a habit of doing when you don’t get them out, the little finger started to look rather weird. What had started out as a small lump encasing the offending invader was now growing, and each day brought with it something new to observe. Two months into the saga it finally decided to get infected and had grown into something resembling Vesuvius about to erupt. Back and forth to the Doc, it got to the stage where he was calling me The Finger, so he sends me off for an ultrasound to see if the blighter that started all this is hiding somewhere we can get at it.
Must admit I felt a bit of a dill having an ultrasound on my little pinkie, but when that also turned up nothing he concluded that the increasing mass overtaking the top of my finger was probably a pyogenic granuloma, the skin’s adverse reaction to the initial injury. A what? Had to Google that one to check it out, made sure I could find a picture, and there it was, in fact there were several sorts, all little volcanoes on the verge of exploding.
So what next? Off to the surgeon, by now it’s the first week of December, and after four injections (oooooh that was the worst bit, you don’t exactly have any fat on your hand to cushion the pain of those), the volcano was cut out, leaving a crater the size of….sorry, my knowledge of moon craters is very limited, but it was big, and when it’s on your little finger there’s really nothing to pull together and stitch up. “So what’s going to stop this thing growing back again?” I ask. “Well, I cut it out,” says the surgeon, “no reason why it should.” Went home satisfied, driving with my bandaged pinkie pointing skyward.
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
DISORDERLY DISTEMPER
Had a bit of fun in the process of establishing a new email account after finally leaving dial up behind and launching into the world of broadband which most people take for granted. When you have the name Di the dictionary can provide a wealth of ‘dis’ words which seem quite appropriate for the task when you substitute the ‘dis’ for Di’s at the start of an email address.
Monday, 25 January 2010
A SUPER SENIOR MOMENT
Now, in my defence I’m going to go down the same road as scores of politicians who have found themselves on the wrong end of sticky questions which may bring their character and judgment into question. I have no recollection Your Honour of the event, or of how the item in question came to be in its current position.
Not only were the track pants, shirt and cargo pants I knew were gone found in the bag, but there were T shirts, a windcheater and various bits of underwear too. I obviously don’t wear them enough to miss them, but I’m mystified how they ended up in such an obscure place. I can only plead ignorance and put it down to a ‘senior’ moment, a handy excuse for all manner of things inexplicable.
Had a teenage girl doing Business Studies and work experience in our office during last year. She did pretty well mostly, but in those moments when things didn’t go quite as planned she’d chastise herself with “Oh, I’m so blond!” Encouraging to know the younger generation have their own version of ‘senior’ moments.
Sunday, 24 January 2010
EARLY AUSTRALIA DAY
“If you value your life, stand well clear of the throwing area.” The women are back in force to contest the Gumboot Tossing, one of the many events held yesterday in Poatina’s annual Australia Day Festival. We always hold our community festival on the Saturday closest to Australia Day so we were 3 days early this year, but that doesn’t stop people coming from all over the place to enjoy a good day out with the family. With prizes sponsored by local businesses, anything from a box of ice creams to cricket sets, gift vouchers, wheelbarrows, river cruises, electronic gadgets, dinners for two, then there’s the ultimate reward for the gruelling 4km wheelbarrow race through bush and creek and up and down dale of a weekend’s accommodation for two plus dinner and breakfast for all 4 participants in the winning team.
You might think the idea of running in an egg and spoon race, sack race, walking on stilts, bubble blowing, playing In the pond Out the pond, My Big Fat Pony and the Hokey Pokey is all a bit passĂ© and far too embarrassing to be seen doing in public, but given the right situation and plenty of encouragement you’d be surprised who participates. Face painting, jumping castle and wind tunnel all entertain the kids for endless hours, bring out the Tug of War rope and the blokes are lining up to flex their muscles and prove their masculinity, amateur golfers have a crack at the Hole in One, and even the teenagers find themselves joining in more activities than just punishing the crowd with their Karaoke efforts.
At the end of the day all are fed, have a smile on their face, not all of which you can recognise as they’re covered in face paint or sporting a sculptured balloon creation, and go home admitting that doing something simple with the kids which didn’t involve technology or a console or a bucket load of money really was a lot of fun.
You hear those who are a little older talk about how much simpler life used to be, how families and neighbours were more connected, how bonfire nights and billy cart derbys and cricket in the street or back alley was the norm. Many long for the ‘good old days’ as they put it, but with the right spirit and motivation it is still very possible to recreate events which bring people out of their houses and into their neighbourhoods in such a way as they discover the value of once again being connected at more than just a nodding acquaintance level. Give it a go.
Saturday, 23 January 2010
INSECT GRAPEVINE WORKING OVERTIME
Thursday, 21 January 2010
FREEZING QUOLL, STINKY QUOLL
Mentioning quolls reminded me of a couple of run ins I’ve had with these quirky nocturnal spotted native animals, one good, one not so good. Going back to my first winter in
Suffice to say we obviously made it back down the mountain 8 hours later courtesy of the first log truck going our way, but while up there in the dark we got out of the car simply to appreciate the spectacle of the falling snow and the quiet stillness that comes in its wake. Surprised to see little footprints coming from the other side of the road and going under the car, we found a small quoll about the size of a cat huddling under the warm engine, a reward I think for our predicament.
Run in No 2 was something else again. In the middle of housework I suddenly became aware of a dreadful smell, and seeing as I had the windows and doors open I thought maybe a bird had hit the window and died underneath it. Couldn’t find the source, smell seemed to be coming from the toilet area but it didn’t smell like anything I’d ever inhaled in such a place, even in a men’s public toilet, and having cleaned a few in my time they can be very nasty!
Had to be the back porch, and there, hiding in the corner behind the ladder was a very sick looking quoll. Not a cute looking one either, but a mangy version of the largest of the species, a Tiger Cat. Very unusual place to find one of these creatures to say the least; he must’ve crawled away to die somewhere and decided my back porch was as good a place as any. Wasn’t sure how he would respond to my attempts to coax him out, but he eventually roused himself and took off, probably to find a less disturbing final resting place.
I’ve smelt dead animals, but this was a shocker and he wasn't even deceased yet. Had to clear everything off the back porch, hose it down, splash disinfectant everywhere, hose it again, and repeat the process till finally it was habitable.
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
MURDER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
Cats are actually banned from our village in order to protect native animals and birds, but being in a rural area the ferals have been a perennial problem and can be quite aggressive, especially when caught. A grey tabby cuts across my yard all the time, and being a cat lover from way back I haven’t the heart to make an attempt on his life. I figure it’s not his fault he was dumped in the bush to fend for himself, or his mum was, or his grandma. He’s only trying to survive like the rest of us.
BLOWIN' IN THE WIND
On one occasion our motel restaurant which faces west caught the brunt of a continuous onslaught which blew open a glass door, smashed it and the window it hit on impact, then blew out a window inside on the opposite side of the restaurant, smashing it and depositing it in the passage outside the ladies loo. The last big one three months ago brought down fourteen trees on the golf course as well as wreaking havoc elsewhere, makes for a restless night when you think the roof might disappear. Did find some guy’s satin boxer shorts on the golf course once, no one claimed them, maybe they belonged to one of the farmers down the road.
HIDDEN IN THE WEEDS
The paddocks are already dry again, but this past Winter gave us a drenching even Noah would’ve been impressed with, in proportions even the ducks may have been seeking shelter from. No one was complaining mind, the farmers were hanging out for as much as they could get in the hope of undoing the damage of the past few dry years. Only problem is, with that much rain, come Spring not only what you want to grow is going to take off, everything else you don’t want to grow is going to go rampant too.
As a result, there I was on the weekend digging out grass almost 6 foot high in the garden beds next door which I had been neglecting. That’s no joke, it was taller than me, and as I plunged into it discovered there were also thistles in there as tall as I am. Hoping against all hope no tiger snakes had decided to take up residence I kept at it, and by Sunday afternoon it was looking pretty schmick, but the best surprise came right at the end of all the effort. Finishing off some fiddly weeding around some ground cover, a blue tongue lizard crawled out from right underneath my hands and calmly headed for a spot where he wouldn’t be disturbed. Was quite uncanny, I hadn’t seen him at all, was a nice reward.