FORK IN THE ROAD

Having just finished reading Wally Lamb’s hefty third novel The Hour I First Believed, I was reminded how we are constantly faced with situations both of our own making and those beyond our control, which require us to take on board what is happening around us, make decisions based on these events and move forward in the hope that some sense and meaning will eventually be revealed.

Lamb’s central character Caelum Quirk is a teacher and his wife Maureen a nurse at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. In the setting of the tragic shooting in 1999, where Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold kill 12 fellow students and a teacher, and injure a further 18 students before turning their guns on themselves, repercussions are felt far beyond that fateful day.

As the years pass and other events like 9/11, Hurricane Katrina and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan take their toll on his characters, Lamb explores the maze of psychological and emotional trauma following explosive events which can instigate post traumatic stress disorder and have the potential to completely derail the human psyche.

Intertwining fact within the structure of his story, including actual excerpts from Harris’ and Klebold’s diaries and videos, Lamb’s characters need to dig deep into their internal resources to come to terms with events which at times spiral out of their control. Despair and hope go hand in hand. Anger, relief, fear, hatred, guilt, thankfulness, grief, acceptance, love and compassion all have their moments.

Battling through the minefield though can result in wanting to give in, take the path of least resistance, protect one’s own boundaries and erect walls to keep out that which disturbs our equilibrium. It is in those moments we are faced with the moral choices which call us out, which ask of us whether we are prepared to be open to others and therefore be vulnerable, if we are prepared to put the interests of others before ourselves.

Redemption comes at a cost, and Lamb doesn’t sugarcoat the journey his characters have to negotiate just so the reader can arrive at a neat happy ending. Time and again they face moments where a decision either way can have long lasting repercussions, and like all of us the way ahead with its possibilities and pitfalls is not always clear.

The beauty of hindsight is that we can see what would have been the right choice to make. Whether we make it or not is not a reflection of our intelligence, for situations can change at a moment’s notice. What we do have control over though, is how we shoulder the consequences of our choices. No matter what the external circumstances, if the core of who we are is centred and has a solid value base, our integrity remains intact.