TV Guidance

Amazing what can occupy your mind when you’ve been crook as a dog for a whole week. Even when you have no energy for anything else, you eventually discover why you never watch daytime television, but the TV Guide itself, after scanning it yet again in the hope something of worth would miraculously appear, proved to be inspiration enough. So, from the TV Guide for September 4, here is my tale of woe.

What a week. Getting up each morning has been like waking the dead. The faint sounds of the drum could be heard as Charlie’s Angels hovered overhead, waiting for the dead to be brought out.

When I’d rather be wild at heart sitting around the campfire as I tour the world, I was instead bushwhacked by a heavy cold, sinusitis, coughing, sneezing, chills and aches. The dreamhouse has been liberally contaminated with germs in every nook and cranny.

The mirror could not lie…

“You are definitely not one of the bold and the beautiful.”

“You look like you’re about to die on your feet.”

“You look like the biggest loser on the last leg.”

Couch time has been the only thing I’ve managed, even woke up with a double dribble on my chin after nodding off in the middle of the day. After 7 days of every home remedy known to man, the catalyst to action was spicks and specks flashing before my eyes during yet another rattly coughing fit, and so, seconds from disaster, it was time to seek professional advice.

Was tossing up whether to go to Harry’s Practice on Coronation St and get them to put me down, but eventually decided to go to the doctors on Shortland St, not the ones on Ripper St, to relay the horrible histories of my symptoms.

After question time, it was time to shake it up with a reality check, and deal or no deal I agreed as a last resort to antibiotics which will serve as the avengers against my bronchitis. Armed with probiotics to combat the antibiotics, and with necessary home shopping to sustain me for another week, I was ferried home again where I’m still alive and cooking, preparing for the next few day’s rules of engagement which will see me on the road to recovery, when hopefully I will be in a condition to say cheers and have a super fun night with friends.

So, stay tuned, I will soon crawl out of the grave and rejoin the world of real humans.